It is that time of year when we are thinking of taking holiday. Taking a break from our work or usual environment is good for our wellbeing however can also bring it’s own challenges.
Suddenly spending significantly more time with our family members or friends, being out of our usual routine, having the pressure that we must ‘have the best time’, managing our finances can be overwhelming. All the topics and issues that we manage to avoid in our busy lives can suddenly surface.
Whether we are jetting off to the sun, holidaying at home, staying a few days with friends or family or navigating the long summer holiday with the children, how can we make the best of it and avoid some of these issues?
Manage your expectations
Before you leave, it can be helpful to have a conversation with all holidaymakers about what you all expect going into this:
- How much money are you willing to spend?
- What activities are you prepared to do together versus alone?
Teenagers might want to do their own thing while grandparents want to do another and either way, we have to contend with the realities of who we’re spending time with.
“Acknowledge that people want different things. Developmentally, it makes total sense,” Relate Family Counsellor Josh reassures. Finding compromises and accepting that there won’t always be agreement about how to spend time on holiday. Using conflict resolution tactics like speaking in “I feel x” statements and taking time out when the conversation is going around in circles can take some pressure off family dynamics.
Think about roles
Part of a holiday can be stepping out of the norm. Discuss beforehand who will be doing what on holiday. For example if one person normally cooks, drives or is responsible for organising activities, will that be the case on holiday or is the expectation that others will fill or share that role?
Josh points out how time away can actually fuel existing difficulties in a relationship: “The burden of domestic work is rarely distributed equally, which can be amplified on holiday”, he says, “If relationships are unequal, they can become more so under stress or change.”
Think about your needs and how you can fulfil them in a different environment
When we’re at home, we have coping mechanisms that make us feel at ease. When you’re on holiday, you can be isolated from other sources of support. Josh explains, “Usually we’ve ordered our lives in a certain way to allow us to thrive and we don’t need to change that when we go away”. We can bring our routines, like meditating in the morning, practising a creative hobby and reading, with us.
Take time for yourself
There can be a temptation to cram in as many group activities as possible when you’re taking a trip somewhere with loved ones. It’s a chance to spend quality time together but that doesn’t mean you have to spend every moment together. In fact, making an effort to do some activities alone can take the pressure off having to agree on activities and give you stories to tell when you come back together.
How we can help
We can provide space to talk, think and decide on the right way forward for you, either as an individual, a couple or as a family/group. If there are niggles or issues that you are avoiding, we can help you get a conversation started in a safe environment.
More details here