Grind culture, the deeply held belief that work is the most important thing in the world, has been embedded in collective psyches. We ask children what they want to be when they grow up, normalise working outside of working hours and consume self-made billionaire narratives in the hopes that we can labour our way into wealth. Nevertheless, until some drastic political changes are made, most of us need jobs to survive.
What is a boundary?
A boundary is a rule you set for yourself and the commitment not to break it. If you’ve ever spent time in the self-improvement corner of Instagram, you’ll get a lot of jargon like “cut people out who don’t respect your boundaries” and “know your worth” with few real insights on what that means.
Boundaries are about your behaviour, rather than anyone else’s. It’s about what you decide is ok with you and acting accordingly. It’s not even strictly necessary to state them to other people, although this can be useful in your relationships. For example, say you state a boundary that you don’t want to work more than you’re paid for. It then becomes up to you to keep that boundary, not for the sake of others, but for your own peace of mind.
Ok, but what about the fear?
The fear is part of it, boo. A lot of us are taught in subtle and overt ways that our boundaries aren’t important, that we can cross them and let others do the same for the sake of keeping the peace or saving face. With the baggage of people pleasing and overachieving, setting boundaries in the workplace might dig a particularly deep pit in your stomach: what if my commitment to my job is thrown in question? What if the thing I care about doesn’t get done if I don’t do it? What if I don’t get a promotion or a raise if I don’t say yes to everything? These might be some of the questions swirling around anxious minds at the prospect of setting boundaries.
The reality is that if you’re not used to doing it, setting boundaries is going to feel like your heart is going to fall out of your bum at any minute — at least, at first. With more practice, you’ll start to see that the world doesn’t come crumbling down when you protect your peace.
Ok, but what about the fear?
The fear is part of it, boo. A lot of us are taught in subtle and overt ways that our boundaries aren’t important, that we can cross them and let others do the same for the sake of keeping the peace or saving face. With the baggage of people pleasing and overachieving, setting boundaries in the workplace might dig a particularly deep pit in your stomach: what if my commitment to my job is thrown in question? What if the thing I care about doesn’t get done if I don’t do it? What if I don’t get a promotion or a raise if I don’t say yes to everything? These might be some of the questions swirling around anxious minds at the prospect of setting boundaries.
The reality is that if you’re not used to doing it, setting boundaries is going to feel like your heart is going to fall out of your bum at any minute — at least, at first. With more practice, you’ll start to see that the world doesn’t come crumbling down when you protect your peace.
This is an extract from a blog authored by Rosel Jackson Stern, a journalist and artist whose work primarily covers culture, politics and art. They are currently based in Stockholm, Sweden.
Read full blog here